You have to pity those poor England players. When the World Cup gets under way next week, not only will our footballers ...

You have to pity those poor England players. When the World Cup gets under way next week, not only will our footballers have to carry a nation's hope on their (well-defined) shoulders and be forced to run around a field in heat reminiscent of a Virgin Active sauna, but they will also need to forgo all of the delights of Brazilian gastronomy in favour of a strict diet of boring old chicken, steamed vegetables and pasta.

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